If you bought when SVB announced problems last week you'd be up 25%

Sure, and if I'd played 03 10 24 46 63 04 in the PowerBall on Monday I'd be a millionaire. It's not a great long-term banking strategy, though.

The alleged promise of Bitcoin in various uses like an inflation hedge during economic turmoil have not borne fruit.

And if you bought bought regional banks at the bottom a few days ago you'd be up 500% on shares alone.

If you want to gamble, might as well buy real banks instead of fake banks anyway.

Why did you decide to do your comparison against that totally arbitrary point in time? Basically, anyone can play the game you're playing. Objectively, from its All Time High, BTC is down 70% - and has moved in lockstep with other over-valued meme stocks.

I can't even --

I rarely buy stocks or crypto but when there's bad news on banks I buy crypto and when people are crazy negative about something I tend to invest there too. For example when the airlines crashed during Covid in the US. It's a pretty simple strategy but I'm green most of the time :)

And if you bought a few days before that you'd be at 0%