>Go up to a woman that you feel drawn to and stand there and say "I have to say. I'm very nervous to talk to you but I had to walk over and say hi."
Please don't. That is, unless you have material after this line, which is unlikely unless you are already skilled in chatting up strangers. You'll create an awkward situation. She'll probably give you a forced smile, and then you'll panic because now the you've opened with a sketch line and nothing else to say. I've definitely done this a number of times. I am speaking from the pain of experience.
You'd be better off finding something innocuous you like about her, and why, then opening with that. 'I like your striped socks. Where did you get them?' Then you have something to talk about for a bit.
That aside, I struggle with this too. I just spent the day at a friend's birthday party with 95% new people, and I am socially wiped. My suggestion if you want to progress in the social skills dept: practice. Make time for it.
I wholeheartedly agree with the find-a-new-hobby advice. Salsa class is a _great_ example because in a given night you get ~10-30 interactions with new women when you rotate. It is rapid fire practice. Also rock-climbing. People are friendly and social. I always ask about techniques to climb X, which can lead to a decent convo.
And finally, go to every social thing you are invited to. Everything. Even if you feel shitty and want to hole up with your computer. It will get easier.
"Please don't. That is, unless you have material after this line, which is unlikely unless you are already skilled in chatting up strangers.You'll create an awkward situation."
Please do. Of course this is what is going to happen, I have done that too, but it is fantastic to fail, because it is the only way to improve and success. You will discover that the world doesn't end from you making mistakes, in fact you had the courage to try.That is the important thing, that and to persist!.
"Material after this line?" Ohh my god, believe me girls know when someone is shy and will help him if they want but what they all hate is being considered machines over human beings. PUA's techniques are already heard a million times by a pretty girl today. And is not what you say("material"), is how you say it.
Those that not even try will not have success ever, because they don't try in the first place.
I'm definitely not suggesting making up some fantastical story in the 'PUA' style, or using a canned opener, or generally treating the girl as some machine that has a set of locks you need to open. At some point you have to have some shit to talk about. When you aren't good at talking to new people, you are nervous and 'in your head' which reduces your involvement with the conversation and amount you have to say. Sooo you need a plan. You need material. Simple (positive!) situational stuff is great.
Plus, if you have a plan (material!) you will come across as more confident because you aren't making it up on the spot.
Also, girls rarely 'help' you unless the environment is social. A friend's party is easy. She will 'help' you; you are already vetted in lacking creep. Bars are moderately easy. Just act like you are awesome. Salsa is easy as they are there to meet people. A cute girl on the train platform will not help you. You gotta be god damn don juan.
Trust me please don't. they will talk to you but you don't have a chance. girls don't want to date a weirdo. just be a normal person and talk to them like a normal human being that you aren't attracted to about normal stuff. once you have established you aren't a creep THEN try to turn the charm on.
>Go up to a woman that you feel drawn to and stand there and say "I have to say. I'm very nervous to talk to you but I had to walk over and say hi."
Please don't. That is, unless you have material after this line, which is unlikely unless you are already skilled in chatting up strangers. You'll create an awkward situation. She'll probably give you a forced smile, and then you'll panic because now the you've opened with a sketch line and nothing else to say. I've definitely done this a number of times. I am speaking from the pain of experience.
You'd be better off finding something innocuous you like about her, and why, then opening with that. 'I like your striped socks. Where did you get them?' Then you have something to talk about for a bit.
That aside, I struggle with this too. I just spent the day at a friend's birthday party with 95% new people, and I am socially wiped. My suggestion if you want to progress in the social skills dept: practice. Make time for it.
I wholeheartedly agree with the find-a-new-hobby advice. Salsa class is a _great_ example because in a given night you get ~10-30 interactions with new women when you rotate. It is rapid fire practice. Also rock-climbing. People are friendly and social. I always ask about techniques to climb X, which can lead to a decent convo.
And finally, go to every social thing you are invited to. Everything. Even if you feel shitty and want to hole up with your computer. It will get easier.